Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! It's a great day to be a Christian. Today, across the globe, millions of us gathered in our homes and in churches to recount the story of the empty tomb, celebrating the fact that the LORD Jesus Christ conquered the grave and rose from the dead to bring His resurrection power to us all! Hallelujah! This is the good news of the gospel! We need not fear death, for He has taken it's sting away and given us access to His glorious riches in the heavenly realm! YES!

I needed Easter and the hope it brings so badly this week. I am sad to report that I did not have a very good week...I broke my left foot in a freak accident on Wednesday and am in a cast and crutches until who knows how long. I do see a specialist on Thursday and I'm hoping for good news, but nonetheless, it is broken, so I have to give it time to heal before I resume my cardio activities. (Sigh)

This was sort of the straw to break the camel's back. The past month has been one full of ups and downs for me. Since starting this new job, I've really been struggling mentally, emotionally, and now physically. It's just been one thing after another - the chaos and uncertainty has just been overwhelming. I'm not sure that I'm currently in a place where God desires me to be professionally, so I'm really questioning what it is I am supposed to be doing. I recieved some Godly counsel this week after my accident, and was reminded that chaos and confusion are not of God, so I need to get to the bottom of what is causing me such heartache, anxiety, and pain and then move forward to eliminate it. My prayer is to figure this out and to get to a place where I am living in the sweet spot that God calls me to, a place full of His joy, peace, and blessing.

This woman of God whom I spoke to about my current situation essentially said that she felt God is trying to give me a wake up call. When I was laid off, I spent a great deal of time clinging to God, learning from Him on a daily basis, trusting Him for every moment. Since getting this job, I've lost touch with Him. Yes, I read the Word, pray, fellowship, etc. but I don't necessarily take the time to listen and glean wisdom from Him. I sort of go through the motions, as just another thing to check off my ever-growing "to do" list. I'm also trying to lean on my own power and abilities to get through each day; the constant striving, worrying, and perfectionism is literally breaking me apart inside because I'm not relying on my perfect God to come through for me. And that's not what God desires for me and Him at all. The whole point of the Gospel, and Easter really, is relationship with God. A relationship of daily communion and fellowship with the creator of my very being, who knows the deepest secrets and longings of my heart, who loves me despite all my imperfections, faults, and failures. I need to be paying attention to Him, as He does to me. He knows everything about me - those things I myself do not know - so I need to be using this opportunity to seek Him and His plans for me so I can live my best life NOW!

So, how might I do this? Well, I'm going to give fasting a try. Since I cannot do my cardio workouts every other day, I'm going to use that hour in the morning to be still before God, read His Word, pray, and LISTEN to what He is telling me. I need this intimacy with Him so much and the quietness of the morning will be a great opportunity to do this. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I think my soul is desperately longing for this time with God. My ultimate prayer is to be stronger in mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit through this healing process; to know Him more; to know myself more; and to gain my own interpretation and understanding of what God desires for me vs. what I read in books/commentaries/etc. I'm ready for a make-over...a chance to start fresh with God and just to be opened up to the awesome work He wants to do in and through my life. I long for so much more than this world can offer. I don't want "just okay" or "good enough." I want THE BEST! I'm ready for radical transformation and to be uplifted in His glorious presence! Bring it on, LORD! I hear you calling and I'm ready!

I will keep this blog updated with the latest insights I get from God and for updates about my foot. I want to end this blog with lyrics from a song by Addison Road from their album, Stories. The song is called "Change in the Making" and it really hit me when I put it in my car cd player this afternoon...it's exactly how I feel about where I'm at right now...

There’s a better version of me
That I can’t quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I’m a total mess and
Right now I’m completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
Cause you’re not through with me yet

This is redemption’s story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I'm a change in the making

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I could give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet
But you’re not through with me yet

And this is redemption’s story
With every step that I'm taking
And every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
Every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be

From the dawn of history
You make new and you redeem
From a broken world to a broken heart
You finish what you start in everything
Like a river rolls into the sea
We’re not who we’re going to be
But things are going to change

I'm living redemption’s story
With every step that I'm taking
And every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
And this is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I'm a change in the making

I'm not who I'm gonna be
Moving closer to your glory

Happy Easter!